Because why can't life be fabulous even if things are a little awry? Well now at least I know my hair can.
Sarah
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Six months ago I couldn't resist getting my first asymmetrical haircut (and thanks Mom for treating me). After wearing it for six months all I have to say, "what on earth took me so long?" Best haircut ever, seriously. Not sure if it's cause my face is crooked so it suits it just right;) or if it simply saves me the stress of trying to get both sides to look similar. I cannot imagine the time I have lost over my lifetime trying to get the left side to curl/flip identical to the right. Somehow that simple first step of having the length asymmetrical around my face opened a whole new world of possibilities. One side can go straight while the other waves a bit. One side can be pulled back if it's not behaving and the other left free because it curled to perfection. Turns out I actually like it better a little askew. Really just loving it. Because why can't life be fabulous even if things are a little awry? Well now at least I know my hair can. Sarah adjective: asymmetrical synonyms: lopsided · unsymmetrical · uneven · unbalanced · crooked · awry · askew · skew · misaligned · disproportionate · unequal · irregular · cockeyed · wonky
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Love the bulky sweaters popping up everywhere suddenly. Also been intrigued to try harem/jogger pants and jumpsuits. Problem? I'm not 6 foot something and a size six and I'm an apple body shape. Serious tummy pudge, serious.
But here's the deal: I've spent the last 10 years saying I just need to lose 10 more pounds. But currently my goal weight is the weight I was 10 years ago. It's this crazy cycle of non acceptance and a lot of it stems from wanting to be able to wear the latest thing (I'm a serious sucker for the latest thing:)) exactly the ways the models do. And here is the other deal: My body looks like this because I've brought two amazing lives into the world. Every pregnancy I gained about fifty pounds and a thousand more stretch marks. And those beautiful babies running around my house are worth all of it times ten. Plus after every pregnancy I've made a commitment to do all I can to be a healthy active mom. So currently I actually feel the healthiest I have in 10 years. I've been doing great. I would like to lose that last little bit, but the craziness with my hands is keeping me from doing anything more aggressive right now. That is that. So here is the decision: I am now affectionately accepting my "mommy body". This is me right now and me right now can wear what I'm excited to wear. I spent a lot of time after H was born researching what types of things I was "suppose" to wear for my body type, how to hide my "flaws", etc. It just made me sad. The types of clothes and shapes recommended for me didn't excite me at all. I realized I had two choices. I could wear stuff that would make me look closer to that model body style or I could wear what I want and rock it. I choose the second option. I got the bulky sweaters, I got the jogger pants, I bought things two sizes up just to thumb my nose at "them" trying to define me:). I've been self conscious about putting pics of me on here, but this is my commitment to this decision -- my stepping out. Me, my wonderful mommy body and my humongous sweater that supposedly adds bulk to all the wrong places. I love it. I love how it turned out. I love being in charge and in love with the piece of art that is me stepping out into the world everyday. I really wish society would learn to celebrate the many different shapes of womanhood instead of cramming all our variety of wonderfulness into one (rather thin) box. I'm not sure if it ever will, but at least now I am. Join me? Sarah Okay so I wanted to share an experience I had today.
December is crazy..for everyone. We all have too many parties to attend (or host in my case), shopping trips for presents, wrapping, or creating gifts, callings in church, etc. It's been crazy this week. And it's only Tuesday? WHAT? So I was feeling overwhelmed. I was asked to accompany for a musical number for a Relief Society dinner this evening. I was asked on Sunday, and then Monday we practiced a few times. I have always had the talent for sight reading so I felt comfortable just trying it out. So as I drove to practice, I prayed that the song wouldn't have any sharps. I'm not comfortable with sharps. There were three...and then it transitioned to five. I kinda wanted to cry right then and there. I muddled through the rehearsal but felt so bad because I wasn't able to play as these lovely women tried to sing. I kept thinking...okay I just need to practice. It will be okay...breathe and apologize...but don't apologize because I'm just human and I'm rusty on the piano...but ah I'm going to mess up their number and then the spirit won't be there and I will ruin EVERYTHING!!! So upon leaving the rehearsal I raced home and practiced my heart out...slowly, one hand at a time. I felt like I was 8 again. (It's been YEARS since I've tried to learn a number) So I slowly became more frustrated with myself and more angry that I couldn't figure the song out and I didn't have time to do this because I had other things to do and that I had planned on doing. I was booked out! But thankfully, I got better and better but my anxiety started to grow and grow and I lost it. Panic attack central! I thought surely the singers could find someone else to play the piano but then I knew I would be leaving them in the lurch and felt guilt that I didn't have it together enough to just figure the song out! But I realized that I needed to calm down and just say no...We can't do it all and for my mental health I felt like it was important to just say no. Whew. I did it and felt so much better. A few hours ago I got a text that they couldn't find anyone else so I started freaking out again. Too much! and I thought I had gotten out of it. Then the coolest thing happened. My mom suggested we pray together. Suddenly a tangible and real peace came over me and I felt like everything was okay. The Lord knew my concerns but also knew that I needed to do this. I was capable and I needed the confidence boost to know I could do it. I've been practicing and practicing and each time I am getting better and more confident. The Lord is aware of us. He knows what we need to grow, to become more humble and to help people. I'm grateful for the experience I had the past 24 hours to learn these things. We're just practicing and we'll get better every day at whatever we're struggling with. Whew how's that for vulnerability? Happy practicing! Love, Katrina Painted my nails 40ish hours ago and this is how they look already. I've always wondered why they chip so quickly. Is it because I only buy $2-5 polish? Is it because I usually skip the top coat? Or is it simply that I use my hands? Whatever the reason, I have banned myself from nail polish for years. Because the chipping bothered me? No, because there is some rule somewhere that the chipping is suppose to embarrass me. So, since my tendency is to wear my nail polish until all that is left are those little uneven ovals in the middle of each finger, I wasn't allowed to play. Then a few weeks ago I allowed myself the $8 splurge of three new nail polishes. I LOVE IT! I love the minor luxury, I love the extra pop if color in my day, I love the statement -- I love having my nails painted. I love all these things even when they are chipped two days later. And because I allowed this back into my life, this little corner of my house now looks fabulous: Yes, I was loving it so much I took my new coral (and mattifying) polish to the top of my pasta sauce jar. So fun for me!
It's been just over two months since I started re-thinking vulnerability -- since I began recognizing it as a strength -- and today I can say, "Goodbye 'I'm suppose to be flawless'. Hello nail polish, hello color, hello creativity -- come in and stay a while." Sarah There's this thing that happens to me every once in a while. I used to think it was called humility but I'm pretty sure it's not. I used to get down on myself a lot. I would think mean things about myself and sometimes even share them with others. And people were okay with it. People expect others to think poorly of themselves and to share that.
On the flip side, if someone shares that they believe they are awesome, it's pride, or bragging. And why can't we be wonderful? Why can't we think we are great, that we are awesome at listening, or painting, or reading or whatever. Why can't we share joy? It's okay to feel not so great about yourself. It's part of the journey of discovering who we are. But accept that you have weaknesses. Accept that people are better than you. Stop being jealous and stop wanting more. Be you. Accept yourself with all the imperfections and accept the beautiful and amazing parts of you. Don't hide them-share them. We need people to share good things and we need to stop being angry at other people for what they share. If we judge others for what they share, we suddenly say we don't like the sharing process. Share everything. Accept every part of you and soon your drive for "perfection" will go away. I have felt this as I have learned to accept myself and to say out loud that I really am wonderful. Yes, I have things to work on but as I have come to accept every part of who I am and who I am becoming, I have stopped thinking so much about myself. I have had more drive to serve, to help, and to just enjoy who I am right now. I'm not so hung up about who I want to be or who the world thinks I should be. I'm learning to love myself and love that there are parts of me that are weak but there are so many more parts of me that are strong. Share good things about yourself, share happiness and joy. Don't give in to the negativity in your head. Silence it by saying that you are wonderful. If you don't believe it yet, keep saying it and someday you may wake up thinking that you are wonderful. You actually are wonderful. So am I. Love, Katrina I decided to paint the entryway last week. (After several hours on Pintrest of course). A month ago I wouldn't have trusted my own creativity enough, I would have felt the need to copy someone else's idea exactly. But something about this new way of thinking (the whole vulnerability can = strength idea) is making me better trust my instincts. So I got R to make a stencil for me on PowerPoint. We printed it out on card stock, he took an exacto knife to it and then I got to work. I didn't allow myself to think too hard or measure. I decided I was going to just freehand it. It was funny how I would feel exhilarated that I was just creating without overthinking ("and it was looking good!") . Then all the sudden I would have a mini anxiety attack that I'd placed a set of arrows too close together or it was looking too "stair steppy". Where and why did I learn to be so worried about if this would turn out "perfect"? It was a slightly unexpected but nonetheless effective opportunity to practice acceptance. In the end I loved how it turned out. Baby steps:) Sarah |
AuthorTwo women trying to be vulnerable. We are learning that the imperfections of life are what make it wonderful and real. Here we share our thoughts, achievements, failures and anything else that comes to mind in the hopes that our honesty might help lift another. Categories
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