I think a year ago such a comment would have really shook me up. "He thinks of me as angry, I'm an angry Mom, I'm traumatizing him because I can't control myself, " are some of the thoughts I might have tortured myself with. But because I have spent a year working on vulnerability (which basically means working on accepting my whole self) K's secret was one of the best things I could have heard.
At some point my children are going to see anger. At some point they will feel intense anger. Anger is a hard enough feeling to process without adding the feeling of being abnormal to it. Humans who love each other and live together and invest so much into each other are going to rub each other the wrong way sometimes. It's not that anger is this terrible emotion that needs to be hidden or held in. Anger is simply another emotion that needs to be learned and processed. The same as fear, excitement, anxiety, surprise, joy, love, etc.
So at our house we've been working on not throwing hard things when we are angry or not yelling at people we love. We've been working on finding a calm down space and talking about what helps us fell better. K likes us making silly faces at him, I prefer big squeezy hugs. We are working on telling K and H we love them no matter what, even when we're angry or they're angry. And when I say we I mean we. Today I got overwhelmed and threw dishes in the sink. When I calmed down I told my babies sorry for throwing hard things. I said, "I am still working on making better choices when I am angry."
K said "me too," very casually. And that was that.
side note: If you don't already love the children's book "Mama Do You Love me?" by Barbara M. Joosse I recommend it. I always loved it but found an even greater appreciation for it when I realized how much it helped me talk to K about my own emotions. It is the mother in the story who feels surprised, worried, scared, and yes angry but all the while loves her child. Good stuff.