But here's the deal: I've spent the last 10 years saying I just need to lose 10 more pounds. But currently my goal weight is the weight I was 10 years ago. It's this crazy cycle of non acceptance and a lot of it stems from wanting to be able to wear the latest thing (I'm a serious sucker for the latest thing:)) exactly the ways the models do.
And here is the other deal: My body looks like this because I've brought two amazing lives into the world. Every pregnancy I gained about fifty pounds and a thousand more stretch marks. And those beautiful babies running around my house are worth all of it times ten. Plus after every pregnancy I've made a commitment to do all I can to be a healthy active mom. So currently I actually feel the healthiest I have in 10 years. I've been doing great. I would like to lose that last little bit, but the craziness with my hands is keeping me from doing anything more aggressive right now. That is that.
So here is the decision: I am now affectionately accepting my "mommy body". This is me right now and me right now can wear what I'm excited to wear. I spent a lot of time after H was born researching what types of things I was "suppose" to wear for my body type, how to hide my "flaws", etc. It just made me sad. The types of clothes and shapes recommended for me didn't excite me at all. I realized I had two choices. I could wear stuff that would make me look closer to that model body style or I could wear what I want and rock it. I choose the second option. I got the bulky sweaters, I got the jogger pants, I bought things two sizes up just to thumb my nose at "them" trying to define me:). I've been self conscious about putting pics of me on here, but this is my commitment to this decision -- my stepping out. Me, my wonderful mommy body and my humongous sweater that supposedly adds bulk to all the wrong places. I love it. I love how it turned out. I love being in charge and in love with the piece of art that is me stepping out into the world everyday. I really wish society would learn to celebrate the many different shapes of womanhood instead of cramming all our variety of wonderfulness into one (rather thin) box. I'm not sure if it ever will, but at least now I am. Join me?